The Glasshouse....

73/365 - Signal the Escape [Explored]
Originally uploaded by c.landrie

If I could throw a brick I would,
Shatter the glass windows that have sealed within me,
Why won't words come to me, where have you disappeared to,
Why do I struggle to speak, why won't I speak
Words disolve into the paper, my words have been stolen
My pen has dried from inactivity, it seems so long since I wrote
Has the old lady, sealed away my words for a prize


Though beauty surrounds me, beauty of the hopeful and the bleak
I see people in love, people lonely, I see beautiful people,
I see the homeless, craving for a piece of bread,
I see the happy, in joy of love, and life
but yet I am unmoved, I feel nothing, see nothing,
The circles and fountains unomove me, the rainbows don't seem to inspire me
Listless and enstranged, I see truly far away from them all
locked away in my world, insulated by everything
Invisibly moving through the days

While We're Young....

While we're young, let us do what the young do,

Get on elephant backs and traverse the jungles

Discover gold in the King Solomon's mines,

and then jump off the cliff to escape the impending natives

While we're young, let us not worry about our careers

For some say, careers are a 21st century invention,

Let us free our minds and do things we always wanted to do,

Maybe start a coffee shop in Cochin,

Or maybe scale the city of Machu Picchu

While we're young, let us fall in love

Forget logic and reasons

And fall in love with the seasons

And feel like being loved rather being in love

Do the unexpected and runaway with her to your own cove

While we're young, let us be young,

And stay young...

Brothers of Nothing

I've nothing to offer, so do you,

We can cook food, as long as you don't finish it
We can drink beer, as long as you leave me four
But we have no money in our banks,
Despite that we gather around our ranks

Why we are friends I wonder
For women abstain our homes,
For we've no contacts to give you jobs,
Our languages and cultures vary like the moods of a women
For we are people who can only talk nonsense
But we do have some chicken and beer
And you can have them, as long as you would give me some too

As our days come to a close, I ask
Won't you all stay for another drink,
Stay till the neighbors kick us out,
Talk into the nights about our lives and the lack of it,
For tomorrow, we might have money and houses
But we wouldn't have the joys of drinking with little money
Or Dance into the night like senseless creatures,
And be the Brothers of Nothing....

Summer of Music

This summer, while my spirits and focus should be else where, I seem to have found my love again. Its been almost 10 years since I've felt like this about music, when I had my first "Summer of Music". I've rarely related or enjoyed any of the contemporary offerings of the supposed "mainstream", whether it was rock, pop, alternate or anything else. I always had a feeling that every single of them sounded the same, and as they were having an orgasm while singing or as if they had gone to a the same school of Crap music. Until now, my view was that no good music was created after 1999-2000. While all of this might make me sound like an elitist or an oldie or a snob,it feels so bloody good :)

My first summer of music happened at the end of my 11th standard. Up until then I will admit that most of my music tastes revolved around Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys and some other crap. Yes Thomas, I've said that in the open, I loved Britney Spears!!!! It wasn't until one night in 11th grade when I was watching MTV Classic and the song "Don't Stand so Close to Me" by the Police came on. And my mind went"BAM" and it was as if the song opened the secret door within my brain. I remember thinking "Bloody hell that sounds outstanding". And I had never heard this song, despite it being released in 1980, a measure of how musically illiterate I was.

So I ran the next day morning with whatever cash I had(Most of it was my mom's) to Music world and bought "The Very best of Sting & The Police", and suffice to say I listened to that cassette so many times that the tape broke 5 times in a 2 week period. From then on there was no turning back, with the influence of Thomas, my music tastes broaden to Pink Floyd, U2, Metallica, Beatles, and so many many more. For the entire summer, I was mesmerized by the music, the lyrics, and the fact that most of these stuff existed when my mom was in her teens. And to my dismay my mom had an entire collection of Rock LPs stacked away without my knowledge, which included "The Dark Side of Moon" .Wow, how much cooler could the summer get, my mom and I can listen and sing to the same songs and talk about it. Of course I ensured I made every single friend of mine listened to these songs, whether they had a choice or not. And I had to convince them to change, and have some taste in music :)

But sadly, the summer ended and descended into a bleak Winter. And I've struggled ever since to listen any of the crap that most of bands of today put out. Whether it was Nickelback, Poets of the Fall, Sting, or U2 or any other genre of music. I've for the most part found it difficult to relate with them, or found anything unique with them. Always felt all of them sounded the same, or had to sound according to some archetype sound. I've derided the talent shows like Idols shows, the remixes that bands put out and pretty much every form of modern music. And for years, I was stuck with the songs I had fell in love in when I was in 11th grade. Until this Summer.

I always envisioned my Summer of Music would return when there was a new Police record, but sadly that's not happening since Sting is still stuck in his own world. But I've found love again in a rock band from my state Kerala called "Avial".

Initially my reception was sort of lukewarm, but as with every love, it blossoms in the summer. And suffice to say, they're bloody awesome. I feel yet again like the kid who fell in love with music in the 11th grade. Inspecting every single aspect of their music, from their beautiful bass lines to their drums to their lyrics. Their drums sound a bit like the Police, the organ sounds like the Doors, the intro stuff like Pink Floyd, but their combination with Malayalam music and its folksiness is something out of this world. I keep listening to songs like "Adu Pambe", "Chekele" , "Njan Aara" till my roommate throws the kitchen sink at me.

And the best thing of this summer is that, it has expanded to so many other bands. Most of them are Indian and folk. I've found great stuff like Raghu Dixit, Trio, etc. Its amazing how well India music lends itself to rock music, while at the same time sounding so unique. And I can't wait to listen to the new music I will find this summer. And I pray that the next Summer isn't going to take another 10 years to arrive. And yes, you've no choice, you're going to have listen to them all, whether you've a choice or not.

Strands of hope

Originally uploaded by Katrina †

You've queued up behind a million lines,
thinking this would be the last time
But it wasn't meant to be,
When will my time be, you ponder
The apparent Unjustness makes you want to surrender

Instead I tell you, it isn't just about day,
Even in the darkness, the moon shines upon you
Showing you the way through this abyss
The light will shine on you, for however dim it is
Take away these dark emotions that have besieged you,

When will you see light, for I don't know how
But I know its out there, for I've caught glimpses of it,
You will see it soon,
And we will celebrate in its brightness, soon...

Under the Heavens

Love Silhouetted
Originally uploaded by aknacer

Through the siloutte of my window blinds, I can see that the heavens have opened up
I've no sense of what day it is,
My room smells of unwashed clothes and alcohol,
It feels like an eternity since I stepped out of my self contained Hell,
My brain tells me that I need a lot more than a bath and shave

I step out, into the pouring rain to feel nature's blessing
As the tears of the God brush my face, I remensince of the days that have slipped away
Days, that all have turned into ashes by the fury of hells's fire
I stand in the rain hoping it washes away the ashes
Into the streams of an unknown ocean

The rain has extinguished the heated earth
Maybe, I should step into town,
Make contact with living and not just speak into emptiness
As the town draws close, I can see the moon in the sky, protected by the clouds
The shining lights, and buzz of the town strikes me
I feel lost in this oceans of people, Do I belong to this herd
What am I doing here?

Then You comes along, and pass me a reassuring smile
As if everything is ok and to be at ease,
And then you just disappear into the darkeness
Who are you and where did you go?
Desperately I look around to catch the smile that left me in a trance
Then I catch your eye and you're sitting across me with your beautiful smile
Is it what you say, or is it how you move, I feel memerised
I can just feel the room disappearing into the background,
With just us the two of us light in it,

As the night passes by, so does the inhibitons and its attachments
As I move close to you, Your clothes dissolve into the night,
And you come and lay next to me, and pass me your love
As We make love into the night, I take you into my heart and pour it into you
And you just smile, and kiss me...The night passes on...

Its morning again, and it's raining again
You're lying next to me,
I've no more ashes to be washed away
Only a beautiful day in the rain....With you...

Lucifer, I hear you await me

Lucifer, I hear you await me

How many drips of alcohol will it take for you to show yourself

Come out of your hiding, I want you to burn me, I'm ready to see you in your true colors

Send me to your hell and your abyss, and burn me into ashes

You hid behind her mask, as you enamoured me, you promised me the world,

Then you left me behind in the woods, lonely, desperate and lost

You made me scream into the night, wail like a wolf in the wild

Wail I did, as I sought salvation, and for someone to light the woods

But nobody came, my tears became darker and so did the night

Bruised and incapable,you took me into your world

Showed me the lusts and temptations of the flesh and its attachments and asked me to sin,

You told me, I would burn in your kingdom if I didn't obey

And I whimpered, as my skin burned

But I can't live on like this, and I can't make you make me,

Burn me at the stake, throw me into the jagged rocks, for am I not afraid anymore

I will wait for you on the hilltop, and I will face you alone

I've left the world behind for I no longer care for the remnants of it

I want you to do your worst, for I will face you and defeat you

And you shall fall again from your kingdom

Father I need you...

Will I dissolve into a meaningless being

Or will i take the fight to bring my life some meaning

Am I an angle sent from the heavens

Or just being suffering through disillusion or madness

As I struggle to cope up with my petty life, I see chaos and uncertainty ahead in these roads

They seem to heading into a dark alley, where I will be beaten into pulp again and again

Why do I suffer so, I wish I knew, for I've no answers

In my fits of alcohol, I look above and ask Why, why my lord

What did I do, for what have I sinned, or what have I wronged

Did the Father not tell you of the sins that I didn't commit

Why do you do this to me?

I cry my heart out into the emptiness, asking for this misery to end,

I pray that this night ends and that there is hope

But I cry alone, I pray alone, I sit alone, as my life slips into insanity and madness

Father, won't you help me out, won't you bring me a vision of your plans for me

Don't foresake me in this endless night, I need you

I will wait on the hilltop, to seek your deliverance

I do not belong to anyone or to anything, I've nothing left but hope

Give me my shining day in the sun

if not I will not be afraid to face whatever you want me to go through

But Father please don't forsake me, for I need you in this endless night......

Tales of Alex and the Space Exploring Dinosaur- Chapter 3: Us & Them

Chapter 3: Us & Them

“How is this even possible? Since when did beings have forms of guitars and walls? And why do they speak English? Come on this has to be a dream!!!!”

Sam reassures Alex “ Listen kid, how can you possibly think of this being a dream. Is being on the moon unfathomable? Did those history textbooks tell you that Dinosaurs went extinct? Think again. Now about the Guitar Creature, it dissipates some of the best forms of sound known to any kind in the universe. Does it matter how it looks. Do you still not want to believe that it’s all-real” Alex gives him the stare, thinking, “ While this Dinosaur is surely crazy, why he makes sense as to why I would want this to be not real, its awesome” Sam smiles at him, and nods “ Yes it is”.

As they approach Floyd & Pink, Alex recalls of those long afternoons that he used to spend with his mom. He never understood the strange noises those records made, especially her favorite The Dark Side of the Moon. And now he feels it makes complete sense that it sounded so out of this world, it was of alien origin. Literally. But yet he is more reminded of the sense of calm and peace he felt as he listened to "Us and Them", as he drifted into the realms of his subconscious where everything was slow, peaceful and beautiful.

Alex is a little bit wary of how these creatures would react to a human. But surprisingly, he sees Floyd singing the guitar track of "Us and Them", with its slow paced and soulful sound and Alex is suddenly at ease, and realizes how much he is at home here with a single play of a song. Pink approaches him, and speaks up "Hi Alex, I'm Pink. I've been a wall ever since I can remember and I specialize in building walls and then breaking them down and building them all over again. And this is Floyd the Guitar, his noises are said to be from the Gods of Rock themselves. Don't be fooled by the strange shape, he is the master of beautiful noise. But I give you a warning; he can be sometimes a bit testy and go into crazy tunes. I think he needs to be retuned once in a while" Suddenly Floyd, launches into a guitar riff of "Another Brick in the Wall" and Pink replies "All right All right. I get it...He is the greatest ever".

Alex is amazed at the camaraderie between two after hearing about the war the two waged from Samuel. Samuel reads his thoughts and tells him "The thing is, before I brought you here, I gave them a little warning". "What did you tell them?” asks Alex. Pink gulps and mentions "That he would turn Floyd into dinner and use my bricks as stones to fry Floyd over. Gulp". Alex smiles at Samuel, and thinks, "He must be one mean beast. Thank god, he is on our side".

Now that they have been introduced, Samuel feels its might be time to give the entire picture on what's going on. Samuel beings "Alex, I'm sure you're eager to know why you’re here. While it all might seem strange, it is quiet simple. I brought you here because Floyd and Pink need your help". Alex surprised asks, "What help could possibly a ten year old give a couple of music legends". Pink jumps in and begins to explain "As Samuel told you before our civilization is dying. Good rock music is dying, the Great Wars waged between Floyd and I have left our civilization is shambles. And an alien race called Idols and GotTalents moved in and began destroying our civilization with their infernal music; our civilization couldn't bear to hear it and has been slowly dying off. We're on the brink of extinction."

Alex replies, "That is all extremely sad, but what can I do, I'm just a 10 year old boy who doesn't even know how to sing or play the guitar". Alex suddenly realizes how much of lie he has said and his expressions tell of it. Ever since he first listened to Pink Floyd, he would have endless dreams of being on stage performing "Us and Them", while the entire crowd would be in awe of his voice and his guitar skills. Even though he never had the confidence to ever admit it to anyone, he still would sneak away and learn to play the guitar in the basement while his siblings where snuck away in bed. Samuel looks at him ask him, "Really, Alex. You've never played the guitar? Not even the tune of Us & Them". "Gulp, how did he know that? This is getting dangerous, he reads everything I think" Alex wonders. And then he speaks up "All right, I lied, I'm pretty good at Guitar. But why do you need me? You've Floyd, the descendant of The Rock of Gods".

"Floyd might be of Gods, but his time is coming to an end. And he is no match for the power of the Idols and GotTalents. They've control over the airwaves, brainwaves and even telewaves. And we need a new blood to defeat them, and prove once and for all that the Civilization is still kicking and we want our empire back from these thieves. You can be symbol of hope that we desperately need to bring those in fear and laziness to break out and produce beautiful music and Alex, we all feel you're our Next Rock God"

"I’m not sure if I fit a God, but all right I'm in, so what do you want me to do ", Alex replies. Samuel, clearly happy that Alex has agreed, "Lets sleep for the night, it’s been a long day and you've had to take in a lot. We'll talk once we get some nights rest and the Dark Side of the moon is in its full force again" Alex tries to get shut eye for the night, but his thoughts are transformed into excitement at the prospect of being the Hero that he always dreamt of being and intense trepidation for this mighty unknown race who have stuck so much fear into Floyd and Pink. Well, at the very least, he thinks “Out of the Way, it’s a busy day and I’ve got things on my mind"

Tales of Alex and the Space Exploring Dinosaur- Chapter 2: The Dark Side of the Moon

"Alex wonders to himself , "Wow, the moon looks so beautiful, even though it has a feel of destroyed beauty with its craters, mountains, I could imagine being lost wonderfully in this serene and lonely world". Suddenly Sam turns to him and asks "Who said its lonely?". Stunned for a minute, Alex can't believe firstly that Sam just read his minds and secondly What did he mean We're not lonely. He wonders, what sort of dinosaur is this. His teacher never mentioned that they travelled Space, neither did she say about any speaking legibly and also Dinosaurs are meant to be extinct. Though he was glad Sam wasn't.

Even though Alex's mind were filled with questions and a bit of frustration, he was more occupied by the fact that he was on the moon. The moon where rockets go to with their astronauts and he had reached it within minutes. He couldn't help but being a bit smug. The moon he wished upon every night. As a kid, his grandmother used to tell him stories about the moon, about how it grants wishes and is always present to talk to. So every night before he slept, he used to pray to Moon asking for a companion, a friend who would be with him no matter what and take on adventures into the unknown worlds he dreamt of.

Sam looks at Alex and asks him "Do you want to know, who else is among us?". Alex, though reluctant to find out, grudgingly replies "OK". So Sam tells him a tale of 2 friends, "Have you ever wondered where music came from. Well, long ago there was a civilization of Creatures which ruled the moon. Their form of expression was music. So if someone wanted to cry they would sing "Let it Be", if they were happy it would be "Strawberry Fields Forever", and hence music was created. The kingdom was ruled by 2 leaders, Floyd and Pink. At some point, for certain reasons they had a falling apart. Floyd wanted to play the guitar all day, while Pink wanted to write lyrics. Because they couldn't agree on it, music began crumbling and the civilization slowly start dying out.  And in their desperation they send a record to planet Earth hoping to keep music alive. And this is why the first record of True music on the earth is called The Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd." Alex, while perplexed at the story, can't help asking "Why you telling me this?". Sam, takes a minutes and tells him "I will tell you in some time, lets walk on".

Alex, looks across, how gently Sam's step are. He thought the earth, or rather the moon would shatter every time Sam took a step. He also didn't know that dinosaurs had a pleasant expression, especially seeing those jaws. But Alex trusted Sam, it was if he had met him in a previous life and were best of friends. But yet he couldn't place it where. As they passed, a huge crater, Alex sees fossils of guitars and bricks. He wondered what it was all about. He looks up to Sam and asks, "Why are there remains of guitars and that of a wall here?". Sam looks at him and smiles, and gestures in a direction and what Alex sees next amazes him.

2 creatures, one shaped in the form a guitar and another shaped in the form of wall, arguing with each other. Those must be Floyd and Pink.

Tales of Alex and the Space Exploring Dinosaur- Chapter 1

Alex hardly had any friends growing up and he was the 10th kid of about 20 kids in his family. While being among his family gave him some amount of happiness, he always knew that he could truly never relate with them, not because of who they were but rather because of who he was. His life would always be about fantasies, dreams, and imaginations, lively yet unrealistic folk stories.

When he was 8, he went to the Dinosaur Exhibit at the local museum. While where he grew up there were no dinosaurs fossils and people probably never had heard of one, Alex for some reasons was extremely excited at the prospect. And surely enough the trip to the museum piqued his interests greatly in dinosaurs. Was it the magnificent height and structure of the skeletons, or was it the vivid stories the guide gave on how dinosaurs lived, and how they ruled the earth gazillion years ago, it was clear that Alex would give anything to go back in time to see these beautiful creatures . He was especially in love with the T-Rex, he would dream of being able to roam and scare everyone with it's scary and fearsome tooth. The only thing, he could closely recreate in life was its thunderous roar, which he would obligatory roar at every lunch break in school. The kids at first glance figured he had a nut loose and began making fun of him.But a sympathetic teacher understood his idiosyncrasy and took special interest him and shared with him all the books on dinosaurs she had being fascinated by as a kid.

One night, deep in his sleep he was woken up by roar outside his bedroom window. For a minute he thought it might have been a dream like the ones he had been having for the past few weeks and decided to go back to bed. But again, he heard a roar.He was tensed but yet curiously peeked outside his window. And wow, there stood a beautiful yet scary T-Rex Dinosaur. Alex couldn't believe his eyes, he pinched himself, gave himself a knock on the head and threw water on himself, but yet the creature still remained. Clearly this musn't be a dream and then to make things even weirder, it spoke, "Hello Alex, I'm Sam, the space exploring Dinosaur"...Shell shocked, Alex didn't speak a word. Alex was a very quiet kid and rarely spoke up even when he was excited. So he kept quiet hoping Sam would speak for him. Then Sam asked, "Do you want to see the moon? I can get you there in a few minutes". Alex was beyond belief and without uttering a single word he just nodded in agreement and grabbed his camera to ensure that in the morning he had proof to show his siblings.

Samuel takes Alex slowly in his claws, Alex can't help getting scarred thinking that those very claw have eaten so many creatures. Surely he couldn't be another. Samuel gently places him on his back and asks him to hold on. And they're off. As they blast off, he can see his house, the local tea shop, the ground where he plays every weekend, then he sees the bridge he takes every day to go to school and suddenly he sees his school, it looks so green from up above. He is so excited at the prospect of flying. Then he sees India, next to it Sri Lanka and miles and miles of beautiful blue oceans. The oceans sparkles like one of the diamonds he sees the rich lady next-door wears, except the ocean is a lot nicer and prettier.

Samuel asks him, how he finds the trip. He wants to tell him its unbelievable, breathtaking, and that he saw all cars driving up an downs the streets, that he thought all the houses looked like cardboard boxes from up above, yet all he tells him is "It's Ok, thank you". The kid despite wanting to tell so much more is scared to talk more, but yet he does tell him a "Thank You" because he realizes that Samuel made his dream come true, Being with a dinosaur and exploring the supernova. He wants to ask him so much, who he is, what he does, how does he live, he can't wait to know everything. He is bloody excited, and then Samuel tells him to look out and see what is on the horizon. He looks up, he sees the beautiful blue moon. He has seen them through Anand’s telescope and imagined of how the craters on the moon were actually Dinosaur footsteps. And now he can't believe that it might be actually true. He can't wait to get to the moon, and drive the moon rover.

I Promise!!!!!

I promise, this is my final and uninterrupted entry into the blogging world. While, you "eagerly" await my return, enjoy some of my older entries from my older and aborted blogs. Hopefully the coming days should show a return of form for me in more than one ways...

My Strange Birthday Circa 2008 :)

On Saturday was my birthday and probably one of the strangest and most uneventful days in my short 24 years. Firstly this was my 1st birthday in the US. So there was this thing about it turning the 16th in India, while the US lagged about by 10 and half hours. So I wasn't sure if it's my birthday yet or not. And that felt stranger than you think. People started wishing and stuff and that was eerie you've to say.

Then came the fact that I spent this birthday alone. There was no party, no cake cutting or the other things that filled my previous birthdays. If you know me well, you'll know I love my birthday and I get excited like no other day on my birthday. It's the day people wish me and more importantly give me gifts.hehe.I'm the king for the day. I remember sometime in my schoold days I wasn't well on the eve of my birthday and my mom suggested that I take the day off. If it was any other day I would've done it with glee and happiness but that day I was like "Nooooooooooooooo"...and I started doing some exercises to get over my sickness(god only knows why) and by the will of the mind I got well and went to school and became the hero of the class(for a day) and was soooo happy. Even in my 11th and 12th I wanted to wear "color" dress to school. Hehe..silly me..

So this birthday I woke up late, didn't even want to wake up. I don't know why. And took my time, had a nice breakfast. Read up stuff, called up a few people in India and then sent a few mails here and there and finally moved myself and went to a restaurant. Bought myself a nice meal and nice cold beer. And then went to the ice cream place and had some ice cream. After that I indulged myself in shopping and loafed around the place. It was strange thinking that there was no one tocelebrate my birthday with, at least the ones that I wanted to with...And as I was walking home I felt so sad thinking of my old days and realized that I would never have those fun and frolic filled moments of my younger days ever again.While I realize that the next year I might be surrounded by new friends and surroundings and maybe I will have a blast. Yet somehow the day that I got a year older filled me with sadness of no more "hero of the day" birthdays rather than the idea of getting old...Cheerio and welcome..to the 24 year old club

Growing up..According to me Few Years ago

When you're young, you sit and wonder I cant wait to be old and to have this or do this or that and then you get old and you hope that you can be young again to not to do the things that you do today or to have this or that. The big difference in both the thoughts is that, in the former it will inevitably come while in the latter it will never be ever again be a part of your life. And it is that thought that I somehow can never escape and will escape I guess..

Recently I went back to school, went around 4-5, knowing none of the teachers would be around. Just wanted to be around the place, revisit all memories. God I miss them so much, that somedays I just wish that I could somehow get out of the life that I live today. I know its foolish and that those days are gone and will never be back. But as I stood through the corridors of my school, at the doors, the playgrounds, the classrooms, the blackboards, benches(Infact one of the benches, still had the remains of some of the art work we had done), you just couldn't help feeling at that moment that you're stuck in a place which you want, buy you won't get, you won't live again here

But then if everything is black or white, things would've been soo much more simpler in life, wouldn't it. But unfortunately it isn't. All you can do is rememember those memories, yes you've to move on and I will as everyone does. Live today, dream about tommorrow and nostalgicaly think about yesterday.

There are no solutions here, neither are there any problems, just an nostalgic guy..who seems to take forever to get over them...

Want to trade Hell for Heaven?

If everyone wants to go to heaven, why is everyone afraid of death!!!!

I sometimes think, what lies ahead. After today, after tommorrow and sometimes maybe even after death. Death is inevitable, but its amazing that we go on. We know that we're fragile, that it takes nothing to end anyone life. Funny. We build mansions, buy fancy cars, want to've huge bank balances, but the moment you die, does it matter. Whether you're poor or rich, you've to die and go wherever is that you're headed without what you've bought/stolen or earned. And despite all this we still keep on going, keep on living. Is it because we realise that there is life beyond today or tommorrow. Or is it because we don't think all that much in the 1st place to be bothered about things like that. I don't know.

But I know, we all want to live and would take every single chance to live it, every single chance to hang on to it. I don't know what lies ahead, somedays at night I sit and wonder all this. Where does this road lead to, after all, there is a destination. I wonder If I'll be rich, if I'll marry the girl I love, if I would've kids, If I'll be somebody tommorrow, and then I wonder what after all this ends... What after it..What??

My friends tells me that there has to be more to life, that even after death there has to be something, otherwise its a pointless life. But I'm a skeptic of that view, not because I don't want it to happen, but because How can we be sure? Could this just be a joke, yeah you live and then you die and thats it. Goodbye..finito..What if, this is a test, only those who clear this round make it to the next...Our entires life is based on this idea, Survive, live on..move on...And what if at the final step, its an deadend...No More!!!!!!!!! What if??

I wonder....And thats the beauty of life...Like Sting once said, the only thing certain in life is death!!!!

Till then...Live On!!!!!!!!

Doing the right thing...

Its funny.. We always know what the right thing is, but we seldom do it...

Today evening, I was out on Brigade Road, was about to head back home. Then I thought, why not go to the pub & have some beer and head back home. Then I thought I should curb on having beer, so I thought I would get to Corner House and have one of their delicious Ice Cream. But then I thought I should cut down on my ice cream. For nearly twenty minutes, I was in dilemma, I knew doing that I would regret it, but somehow the temptation was a bit too much. I didnt know what to do, whether to go to Corner House or go to Pub World or just head back home. Even though I knew that doing any of that wouldn't be good, I still wanted to. Even though I knew this, I still was in a dilemma. Luckily for me I decided against either and headed back home and wrote this blog..

But very often most of us dont do that. We do the wrong things even though we know we shouldn't. We always believe tomorrow will be the day when we set things set right, but never does tomorrow turn up. Its about now or never. And that is the Right Choice...You Hate it but you know its right...If you're able to listen to it, well and good...If you can't, try to once in a while, you'll be more happier, maybe not that moment but a later stage down the road

Love of a liftetime

This is an Old poem i wrote a really long time back,yeah back then i was lonely.Not anymore:)

A Love of a lifetime

she said she wanted to go for a walk
and that she would be back soon
how was i suppossed to know that she would never return

i searched the whole city,couldn't find a breath of her
dissappeared with out a trace
stood,sat and slept at the door
expecting her to come back
but nothing came

a few days later i hear she is a million miles away
and that she never wanted to see me,
or hear me
and even take a look at me

maybe she found someone better,maybe she found her life empty
maybe i wasn't enough
maybe i was rude to her and didn't give her space

alcoholism and drugs seemed to be my relief for a while
when it didn't work,more alcohol and drugs followed
soon i realised that these couldn't heal the pain

tried to satisfy my emptiness with other girls
but each and every time,every face became her face
i couldn't let go,

days and nights passed with no notice
some times,the days and nights couldn't be seperated
they longer didn't matter to me,
my only shining light disappeared forever
there was darkness where once a light shone

my thoughts were flooded with those days
where we would stare at each other's eyes and could see things we could never explain
days where we could talk for hours and never be bored
the days when i would walk with her,talk with her,go out with her
walking through the pathways,holding hands
somedays we would hike on the hills
and share those moments together

oh,times have passed
and still everday i can feel her embrace
20 yrs could have passed since that faithfull day,but it seems like only yesterday
by chance,for the 1st time in 2 decades i saw her
and she looked at me and i looked at her
and i could see no ring on her finger
and there was no ring on my finger

I looked at her and asked her one word "why?"
and she starred at me and said
"i couldn't accept that i loved you
i couldn't and so that's why i walked away
and i could never love anybody else"

shocked and dazed,i walked away

She......